HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE 2007, Part 1: NAPSTER HOLIDAY OFFER: FREE 1GB MP3 PLAYER W/ 1 YEAR NAPSTER-TO-GO SIGNUP

NO PUNDIT INTENDED: CLINTON & OBAMA (ANALYSIS)

by Don Rose

HILLARY CLINTON

She has frontrunner swagger, a huge national base, name recognition off the charts, the admiration of millions of women, and Bill. Not to mention the love of the pants suit industry. But she needs to overcome the obstacle Gore faced in 2000: how to come off less robotic. Until robots get the vote around 50 years from now, this is a must in our current human dominated society.

I mean, let's be real; when she told an Iowa debate audience she had been "touched" by their stories, there was not an ounce of true feeling in her voice. It may have been a sincere statement, but it sure didn't sound that way, and sound is what matters most, next to visuals. And since her visuals are just average, she better get sound down.

Oral arousal (no, not that kind, the speaking kind) was a talent her hubbie was a master of; Bill Clinton could make reading the phone book sound downright meaningful and from the heart. Maybe he can teach his wife his gift of aural aura, the secret of being Master Thespian of Feeling Your Pain. It would be the best holiday gift Hill could ever hope for.

BARACK OBAMA

In many respects, he seems like another Bill Clinton: rock star status, celeb pals, firm command of facts, exemplary oratory, mega magnetism. Heck, many people referred to Clinton as "the first black President," and Obama actually is half-black, which ain't half bad. There's only
one problem with a Clinton-like candidate. There already is a Clinton candidate, and
she has the real Bill Clinton in tow to boot.

So, no Obama in the White House in 2008. What he is really doing is what many great
candidates do: get their first big campaign out of the way, build a national
infrastructure, get the kinks out and run again later as a stronger, older, wiser veteran candidate.

Face it, he's too green now, even in this golden age of Green. Obama's time will come, in 2012 or 2016. Maybe by then he can get his pal Ms. Winfrey onboard as running mate, after she retires from TV in search of a new challenge. Just imagine what Letterman could do with an Obama-Oprah ticket.

T-DAY T'S: TOP TWELVE TERRIFIC THINGS TO THANK

Here is a list (in no particular order) of the Top Twelve Things (or places or people) in or about or related to Los Angeles we wish to thank this year, just for being here and being great:

1. The Beatles

The LA Report never gets tired of their music or lore. Has there ever been a band before or since with more gems per album? Or humor? We love the liner notes by Martin "Marty" Scorcese in the delightful 2-disc DVD set of "HELP!" just released this month. Want to see what inspired The Monkees TV show and Monty Python? Get "Help!" Want to OD on Beatles every Sunday morning in LA? Try KRTH FM's two 1-hour shows back to back from 8-10am, Chris Carter's always amazing Breakfast With The Beatles on KLOS FM 9-noon, and Les Perry's Meet The Beatles show on KCSN FM 10am-2pm. Want to see the place that still puts out their albums? See the landmark Capitol Records building on Vine just north of Hollywood Boulevard (where Beatle fans gather on Beatle birthdays and other dates of note).

2. Jenny Lens

See our recent post about her show at La Luz gallery. Her punk rock archive rocks. And she's super sweet.

3. Bill Maher

He's the Lenny Bruce of our generation. Like Lenny, he has been crucified for just stating his beliefs (an act which, last I checked, was supposed to be protected by something called the Constitution). Case in point: losing his ABC show Politically Incorrect over his comment re 9/11 (about who are cowards and who aren't). Losing a show called Politically Incorrect for BEING Politically Incorrect is one of the great ironies of all time. Luckily, HBO likes irony, and Bill landed there with his show Real Time. We knew he'd wind up there, because HBO has always championed comedy of all stripes, even if too truthful for advertisers.

4. The WGA

Here's to the Writers Guild, which represents the interests of all those wordsmiths who create the scripts that power the TV shows and movies (and Internet downloads) that make our increasingly-depressing real world more bearable, and can sometimes even improve lives, start movements or both. But it all starts with that blank piece of paper (real or virtual), being stared at by a writer, until the magic spills forth.

5. Little Steven's Underground Garage

Want to hear a near perfect example of a radio show? Check out this gem on KLOS FM 95.5 every Sunday, 10pm (or just after 10) til around midnite (or just after 12). Steven Van Zandt's fun style, encyclopedic knowledge of pop music, eclectic presentation of old and new indie-garage sounds - and his Freak of the Week - makes this an unmissable weekly listening event.

6. The Paley Center for Media

Formerly the Museum of Television and Radio. Thousands of radio and TV shows at your fingertips in their amazing viewing library, and daily special showings in their theatre. Periodic lectures, panels and exhibits as well. We are so lucky to have this place in LA (the other one is way over in New York).

7. Google

I always wanted thank a noun, verb, and search engine in one go. But seriously, can any of us live without them? (Okay, Yahoo, put your hand down.) (Ironic how Yahoo put their name in an ad slogan as a verb, but "Do you Yahoo?" No, you Google.) And Google has now partnered with the X-Prize folks to offer $20 million to the first person to put a robot on the moon and post its video on YouTube. Is Google cool or what?

8. Wired Magazine

We have always loved their magazine - it is simply required reading for us every month - but they do great live events, too. They just finished a very cool series of tours of a "Wired Living Home" in the Brentwood hills (now listed for $4+ million in case you want to have your own private tour every day). Even the drive up there was futuristic, as we got to enjoy the new BMW Hydrogen powered car (which runs on either gasoline or hydrogen - the latter being the most abundant element in the universe with emissions that are basically just water). The LA Report attended on Nov. 18 and fell in love with the Ray Kappe designed home, which in some ways felt reminiscent of the Eames legacy in form while being very modern and green in function (we especially loved the 3-D desktop printer in the kids room). More info: www.wired.com/wiredlivinghome.

9. The Playboy Mansion

Do we really have to justify this one? (Not to guys, anyway.) Seriously, we are so glad this place is still alive and kicking (ass). Not just because it is a testament to the rewards that can come to you for creating a radically new kind of publication (newsworthy articles plus nudesworthy arty girls!), but because they still do amazing events there, and because they have a wonderful animal sanctuary which you must see. (Tip: buy a ticket to a daytime charity event held at the Mansion -- there are several each year -- and odds are good you can see the cool creatures, as we did). Note: our Thanks list Number 3 is often seen at the Mansion (Bill being a kind of honorary heir to Hef).

10. Shout Factory

The LA-based company produces some of the greatest DVDs and DVD boxsets we have ever seen or played. Also stellar CDs. There are too many to list! Just go to www.shoutfactory.com and see what we mean.

11. Rhino

This LA-based company ALSO produces some of the greatest DVDs and DVD boxsets we have ever seen or played. And stellar CDs. Too many to list! Just go to www.rhino.com and see what we mean. (One example we will always cherish is their 70's music boxset; the original packages they sold are covered in real shag, baby! For a more recent stellar set, run don't walk to get Rhino's new cool collection, THE McCARTNEY YEARS, 3 DVDs of Macca/Wings heaven!)

12. LACMA

Last but not least is the Los Angeles County Museum of Art. Their exhibits are world-class (the current Dali exhibit is one example, while King Tut and Van Gogh exhibits amazed throngs of grateful museum goers in recent years). They show great films in their Bing Theatre. They are centrally located, and have easy parking nearby. And to top it off, they do amazing events, our fave being the annual Costume Ball every year during Halloween week (or should I say Halloweek?). I think their slogan should be, "I like my LACMA." (Now let's see if they use it!)

BEATLES PODCAST! "HELP!" IS ON THE WAY

To hear the first ever Beatles podcast, narrated by Monty Python's Michael Palin, do the following steps (all free):

1. Go to your favorite podcast reader program -- for example, Google Reader, at:
http://reader.google.com
2. Add a new subscription/feed, using this link:
http://www.thebeatles.com/help/assets/downloads/rss.xml
3. As new episodes of the podcast are delivered to you, play them!

So far, there are 2 episodes available. Taken together, they form a nice audio documentary about "Help!" -- shedding light on the making of the Richard Lester film, the Beatles' second movie, with many of the film's participants recalling how the motion picture was merrily made. Highly recommended by The LA Report (we can't wait for episode 3, coming soon).

About "Help!"

Directed by Richard Lester, who also directed the band’s debut feature film "A Hard Day's Night," "Help!" made its theatrical debut in 1965. Two new "Help!" DVD sets were released on November 6, 2007: a 2-disc set (featuring the restored film, a disc full of bonus material, and a booklet), and a deluxe edition (with 2 discs, a book, a replica of Dick Lester's working script, and reproductions of the film's poster and theatre lobby cards). In addition, the FIRST EVER Beatles podcast is now available for free online -- a multi-part "Help!" documentary.

The film follows The Beatles as they become passive recipients of an outside plot that revolves around Ringo's possession of a sacrificial ring, which he cannot remove from his finger. As a result, he and his bandmates John, Paul and George are chased from London to the Austrian Alps and the Bahamas by religious cult members, a mad scientist and the London police. In addition to starring the Beatles, "Help!" has a witty script, a great cast of British character actors and features 7 classic Beatles tracks, including:

• ‘Help!’
• ‘You're Going To Lose That Girl’
• ‘You've Got To Hide Your Love Away’
• ‘Ticket To Ride’
• ‘I Need You’
• ‘The Night Before’
• ‘Another Girl’

TECH CHECK: ScanSnap S300 Color Mobile Scanner

Technology Review by Bruce Braunstein, Writer, TheLAReport.com


Easy to use "one button" scanning. Just press the "SCAN" button and the ScanSnap S300 quickly captures both sides of documents, presenting images as they are meant to be seen.

The Fujitsu ScanSnap S300 provides a host of automatic image correction features to ensure great scanning results. Simply load a stack of documents into the hopper and press the "SCAN" button. The S300 automatically recognizes the size of each document, detects and corrects for skew, and shows images in their proper orientation with blank pages removed.

Instantly creates scans that can be searched by their content.

The ScanSnap S300 automatically converts scanned data into searchable PDF files that let you quickly and easily locate your images and find informa-tion contained within your documents using keyword searches.

A compact Mobile Scanning Solution.

At half the size of other ScanSnap scanners, the S300 is designed to be the smallest Fujitsu ADF scanner. As a mobile alternative, the ScanSnap S300 is compact enough to carry around and you will never have to worry about finding a spot to put it.

Holds up to 10 letter sheets at a time.

Double Sided Multi-Sheet Feeding. The ScanSnap S300 holds up to 10 sheets of paper in the automatic document feeder and scans up to 8 pages per minute.

Operates on USB bus power.

For added mobile convenience, the Fujitsu ScanSnap S300 can be powered though the PC’s USB port* when an AC power source is not available.
*When using the USB bus power cable, the PC must have two USB ports; one for power feeding and the other for USB cable connection.

Scans anything from thick business cards and postcards to legal size documents.

In addition to automatically recognizing document size, the ScanSnap S300 de-skews images, removes blank pages and shows them in their proper orientation. The ScanSnap S300 is also able to scan business cards and postcards that are thicker than normal (Up to 56 lb.)

Efficiently manage business cards and contact information.

Quickly scan business cards for fast and easy reference. Capture both sides of a business card in a single pass. Information on the business card is captured and can be exported to Outlook, CSV (Excel), and others.

NOV. 18: PUNK 365 AND JENNY LENS PHOTOS AT LA LUZ DE JESUS GALLERY

From Jenny Lens's website, http://www.jennylens.com/ :

The Jenny Lens Punk Archive is so pleased to be in the special punk rock photo exhibit, La Luz de Jesus Gallery, 4633 Hollywood Blvd, just east of Vermont, Nov 18, 2007, 4 to 8 pm opening, to celebrate release of “Punk 365,” by Holly George-Warren, Abrams. I had to stand up to my own publisher, Rizzoli, to be in the book. They are looking out for my highly anticipated first solo photo book, “Punk Pioneers, but it was bad timing, or else I would have have more photos in “Punk 365.” At least I have 24 hard-won shots in it!! Not my Jenny Lens classics, but some unpublished shots not in my book“Punk Pioneers. You’ll just have to get both, along with “Live at the Masque,” and then you still will only see a small fraction of my Jenny Lens Punk Archive. But better prints than in any previous publications!


Photo: Screamers at Gower Gulch (Sunset and Gower), THE site for early western films, spring 1977.
A classic LA punk rock photo by Jenny Lens.


X, Exene Cervenka and John Doe, New Wave 1980 show, Stardust Ballroom, August 30, 1979 by Jenny Lens.


Debbie Harry, Blondie’s LA debut at the Whisky, February 1977. First Blondie opened for Tom Petty (his Whisky debut too), then Blondie and Ramones a few days later. Whatta week! By Jenny Lens.

SATURDAY NIGHT DEAD? SNL STAFF SUFFERS SATURDAY NIGHT MASSACRE

by Don Rose

Here is a second-hand report that may be sad news for SNL lovers: FoxNews.com reports that The New York Post reported that the Saturday Night Live staff has been fired, without severance! This is amazing news, if true. NBC reps have not commented as of this writing.

In related news, the SNL cast performed a live show in New York over the weekend, and their long-time producer Lorne Michaels even attended. The hot ticket event, which featured double the normal number of sketches but had the same general show structure as a regular SNL show, was held at the Upright Citizens Brigade, which was founded by SNL femme fave Amy Poehler (and which has a great Los Angeles location on Franklin in Hollywood).

We should note that Saturday Night Live has survived crises before, and The LA Report predicts it will be back, eventually, better than ever. It always has. Since writers and producers are set to return to talks in a few days, let's cross our fingers that the WGA strike will soon end, and NBC's whole lineup of groundbreaking late night shows will soon be off repeats and on the air again. As far as we at The LA Report are concerned, NBC stands for No Better Comedy.